Thursday, May 06, 2010
Life's Too Mysterious, Don't Take it Serious
If I even for a moment doubt the wickedly naughty sense of humor of the universe, I'm reminded immediately.
What? You are sad? You are indulging your sad feelings in a public forum? You are having a bad week? Really? You are whining about rather large bees needing to be extracted from your buttocks on a regular basis?
Well Ms. Madge, I'll show you. Let me break out my tiny violin...or my largest and most imposing...bee.
With that, without explanation, a 2.5" hornet dropped on the windowsill in my bedroom. Kerplop. That is precisely the sound it made, just to be clear.
Insert your favorite loud huge ass bee dropping sound effect here.
What insect could possible be in my house that could make a sound like that upon dropping on my windowsill? What insect?
A ridiculously, ludicrously large hornet. That's what insect. The largest bee I have ever seen. Holy farking hell! After the initial shock wore off, I scurried my child and my scruffly terrier, who was buried under the tangled mess of who knows what under my child's bed, downstairs. I closed all of the doors to the rooms upstairs before I left to contain the large hornet in one room, I regarded the aforementioned absurdly large hornet as it crawled behind a stack of books with a sense of trepidation and fear and noted it's smaller waspish companion keeping guard on the window as if to say, go ahead, try to squish this bee. Then I hoofed it as fast as my wheezy lungs would allow downstairs and waited for my brave knight to come home and slay the beast.
He said he had never in his life seen a bee that big. So it's not just me and my big imagination people. He sent the second wasp out into the wide world this morning, sparing its life in a most compassionate manner. As the first bee was already dying, he merely assisted the process.
I can't be sure that this bee crawled out of my ass, but I would imagine a bee of that size would make quite a nuisance of itself had it been lodged there. I think you may recall my large bee nightmare from my childhood...yes? Plus the bee blather this past week on the blog...yes?
Perhaps the universe is sending me a message. What can it be? Or more precisely, what can it bee? Wah, wah.
Perhaps it's reminding me not to take any of it too seriously. Perhaps it's saying, "Hey Madge, you think you've got bees up your butt? Check this one out?"
Or perhaps this dying majestic super sized wasp was telling me that something big and menacing was passing away and that I could exhale just a little and keep faith. Because even the biggest obstacles can be overcome. I'm going to stick with that.
Oh, beehave. Or is that oh, beehive? Oh dear...I hope not!