Photo Copyright Margot Potter ALL RIGHTS RESERVEDFor months now, I have been in an uncomfortable limbo because virtually everything in my life is in a state of chaos. Chaos and I, we go way back. In fact, our first introduction happened when I was but a young girl. Since then, my world has been catapulted by the reappearance of chaos into a state of absolute uncertainty countless times.
I sometimes picture myself not moving through life so frenetically. Instead surrounded by simplicity and beauty and joy. I imagine what it might be like to find a home and stay there for more than a handful of years. I wonder how it feels to grow roots and branches. I've never stopped turning, turning, turning to the music of change.
I suppose none of us do.
Still, the illusions of security, comfort, home and stability captivate my imagination.
Here I stand, once again, on the precipice of change with chaos holding its hands on my shoulder blades. I am taking the time to be sure that this free fall is what I truly want. That this change comes on my terms and not someone else's. That this choice will feed my family as well as my spirit. I spent too many years of my life doing things that did not feed my spirit and I have, I believe, earned the right to choose joy. After all, none of what feels so incredibly important at the moment is even remotely consequential to the grand design.
I wish I could say it feels good to be here, but with every expansion and contraction come growing pains. It's an uneasy and unsettling place to be. I am, as ever, attempting to approach it all with whatever grace, dignity and creativity I can muster.
Love,
Madge
7 comments:
Hmmm...I wonder what this portends for you, dear Madge. I do believe that change in any sort is rather hard. And uncertain. It feels good to grasp the things we know and love and eschew the unknown for it can be dark and gray and full of twists and turns. But that can also be a trick of the eye. And once our own light shines over the precipice it might show that there is more flying than falling. I hope that is the case for you.
Enjoy the day, Madge!
Erin
Ah... to live in just a few moments of serenity, what I wouldn't give!
I work in a building filled with menopausal women (I am one), who have all made the choice to have children (girl children no less) who are going through puberty. Just as we have reached menopause. It shows absolutely no foresight on our parts at all, because the interaction seems to be somewhat akin to matter and anti-matter. Some huge explosion is always going on and chaos is simply the "norm".
Speaking from the wise old age status that I have finally attained... go get your joy. Life is far too fleeting, and if you know what brings you joy, you must fill yours with it... there simply is no other choice.
Nietzche said, "You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star."
You, my dear are a very bright, shining star! :-) H.
When I was 21 and just out of college, my very first boss was a very old woman of 65 (which doesn't seem old to me know.) She was one of the wisest women I ever met and taught me so much not only about work but about Life. I remember one of the things she said to me which was, "I've never regretted any of the things I've done even the things that turned out poorly. But I do regret the things that I didn't do and the opportunities I didn't take." I've kept that advice in the back of my mind for over 40 years and I'm hoping this advice will help you, too. Good luck.
Thank all of you for your lovely comments. Chaos comes, we are defined I believe by how we face it.
Love
Madge
maybe it is fate. last night i watched the most wonderful interview with clint eastwood and he said fate often puts us in a place that we are unprepared for, but we come out better people because of it. made me cry! you got this, i can feel it!!!
To find home, close your eyes and follow your heart.
I think that a lot of us don't follow our hearts so we end up taking the wrong paths. Good luck with yours.
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