The air is overflowing with ragweed and goldenrod pollen this time of year in the Smokies. My lungs are wheezing their way along as they are wont to do, and sleep sometimes eludes. Last night was one of those restless nights with lots of time spent bent over two pillows trying to catch my breath. I woke up gasping for air at 4am...then 5am came and went...and I stayed up until 6am to wake up Avalon for school. Dad is kind enough to do the morning ritual as mornings are not my shining time. This morning I fell into a most disturbing dream.
There are two women. One of these women is oddly present in much of the drama of my professional career, the other has been following along as of late. The first woman is a soft spoken, smart and successful woman. Yet, somehow, any time things get blown up or blown around or sent to places they simply did not need to go, she's a participant in the scenario. More often than not she is on the fringe, whispering something into the right ear at the perfect moment.
They were both in my dream.
In my dream we were having a very large party. It was our house, but not our house, but our house in the dream. It was a very, very crowded party. My husband was somewhere, but finding him was proving difficult. The second woman was crying surrounded by people who were consoling her, when I called to her to come talk with me privately, she came at me screaming and accusing me of all sorts of awful things. I tried to explain that these things were not true, but she refused to listen. I kept calling out for my husband, as though he could explain and fix this, but of course he could not fix this. This was beyond fixing. I went looking for the first woman, who was holding court to an array of rapt listeners as she told them a litany of horrible stories about me, all with small threads of truth in them, but twisted and bent and turned into ugly lies. As I walked past her, under her breath she whispered, "I hate you, Margot."
Then I woke up.
I am now in a horrible funk which I can not seem to shake.
What is this dream trying to tell me?
What is the lesson I am to learn from this situation?
This is not the first woman like this to be in my life. I find these women frightening because they have mastered the art of manipulation and I am, somehow, the perfect foil.
What is it, about me, that they find so threatening?