Before that and more pointedly, the joy of Christmas got lost one horribly sad year in my childhood and it didn't come back until I had my daughter. It was as if that sad year melted away watching the sparkle in her eyes on Christmas morning. That's the magic, isn't it?
But perhaps that's unfair, to expect her to make it magical. That's a lot of pressure on a kid. And it wasn't until yesterday that I started to think that maybe that was what I was doing. I was thinking I was making it magical for her, but maybe she was making it magical for me. It's funny how it all falls down to perspective.
Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. Maybe the magic is something we all have to believe in for it to be real.
I can't say.
I can say that I was pretty sad yesterday and it's spilled over into today and I'm damn sure not spending the Christmas season feeling sad. I gave it my all yesterday. I sang stupid Christmas songs, I plopped on a dorky santa hat, I decked halls, hung lights, re-imagined a new and improved holiday decor. Getting her and her dad to participate was like pulling teeth. The two of them just sat staring at electronic screens all day only stopping briefly and begrudgingly when I begged them to hold something for me or help me up or down a ladder.
You'd think I was asking them to scrub toilets.
At one point, after hours of my gently prodding, I pretty much lost it. Then her dad yelled that he hated Christmas.
Hated. Christmas.
And that was it. From that moment on I stopped asking nicely and started insisting the tree be hauled out and lit. There was so much bitching going on, I stepped in to help and still can't for the life of me figure out what was so hard about stringing lights on that tree. The branches are all exactly the same, I just don't get it.
Now there's a tree in the living room, with a smattering of vintage Christmas balls and some candy canes on it and I'm not really feeling the love for decorating it alone. Is that so wrong? I mean, isn't the whole point of having a family doing this stuff together and liking it? Whether we like it or not? Am I expecting too much from my family?
When did we lose the magic of Christmas and how do we get it back?
I can only ho so many hos before my ho ho ho has sputtered out. But I will not sled gently into that good night. I will put the fun back into dysfunctional! They're going to trim that tree and they're going to enjoy it if it kills me.
And it just might.
Love
Madge
5 comments:
Holidays are a bitch. I have been there. Having that prelit Christmas tree has been a godsend. Although I miss the real with the falling needles and the pine scent. But as I am not one to haul out the vacuum cleaner, and I have found that my plug in with pine scent and that fab candle burning give my senses the jolt, I don't miss it as much. This year my new mantel really got me in the spirit. But the construction put a wrench in it (literally). But there is now snow covering all I can see so I think it is back. I hope that your holiday gets more ho-ho-ho. But remember that the best gift you can get is to be gentle with yourself and those you love. Find your 'something good'. Enjoy the day. Erin
Most years I decorate the tree myself and I make a ritual out of it, glass of sherry, christmas music and a slice of christmas cake :) Christmas is not part of my husbands cultural upbringing, so I learned to make my own magic and he is along for the ride.
You know, over the years I think I have seriously come to hate the holidays. That magic was lost for me about the time my youngest realized there was no Santa. They have both since grown into adults and have moved out of my home which means there is even less reason for me to try to make the magic.
I've given hand made ornaments every year at work, thoroughly unappreciated (what can I expect from people who don't create themselves?)... I've contributed art to charities for their silent auctions, I've made baskets for a local nursing home, and I've even made the mail person goodies. Still no magic. Although, there was a slight glimmer when I gave the bell ringer a soda and some soft, warm pretzel sticks... but it faded fast.
I think this year my spirit may have to be poured from a bottle...
I love Christmas, dammit. I'm not giving up or giving in! We will fa la la, we will go a wasailing, we will deck the halls, trim the tree and make merry.
They just need a gentle kick in the ass with a black buckled boot and I intend to give it to them!
Love
Madge
Madge
When my daughter was in her teens she still loved to decorate the tree....she had very busy teen years with all her activities but i could not just do the tree myself, she would be upset if i didn't wait, it was really the only part of christmas decorating she was interested in....hubby he is a self proclaimed scrooge thru and thru but with minimal grumbling he would help out where needed. I think what it boiled down to is he loved me and if Christmas made me happy then he would play along...if your daughter is not into decorating for Christmas then i wouldn't force her...that would just create bad memories and sadly those are the ones that tend to stick around.....ya know?
To me you need to ask yourself what makes you happy?? What are you willing to do yourself?? Because apparently the decorating for Christmas is all for you. So i say do what makes you happy. What you are willing to do without holding a grudge that they didn't help.....but you know what??? I'm thinking...no tree..that means nothing to put presents under...darn.....Hugs! deb
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